Christian Single / Part Nine: Worse Than Single

Is there anything worse than being single? Yeah. Yeah, there is. I’m sure you can think of some things including people in your lives who have struggled and suffered. Actually, you know what’s far worse than being single? Being so obsessed over being single that you ignore the love God is offering you right now. That’s just downright tragic. I wish I could say it’s all you ever need, and in some ways it is — but God knows some of us need more. Be patient, He just has some timing to work out.

So spend this time discovering the person you want to be. Enjoy your education, your career. Get your bank account healthy. Prepare strong friendships and strengthen your family ties. Read your bible. Spend this time enjoying the person you are. Have adventures. Enjoy your friends. Be confident. Be comfortable. Have fears. Trust God.

I want you to know I’m not writing this because I have all the answers. This series is as much for myself as it is anyone else. It’s a reminder that there are scientific things you can do to be happier, singleness is not meant to be hurtful, and you are not alone.

Christian Single / Part Six: All The Things You Just Can’t Know

I’ve been lead back to Genesis a lot recently, which is funny because I don’t usually spend much time there. I don’t mean to make it seem trite but sometimes Genesis feels like a movie you’ve seen so many times you can hit play then go get the popcorn. But this last trip back to the beginning has really got me thinking.

I’m about to get suuuper preachy here so hang on. Don’t worry, you’re going to love it.

You want to talk about singleness, look at Adam and Eve. But they’re a couple! Yeah, I know. The idea we get in our heads about being a couple is the version of them in the garden. But the reality, and the only choice we have now, is them outside of the garden. And that was no picnic.

Christian Single / Part Four: The Other “I” Word

Identity. There are so many things to say about this subject but at the core, regardless of your marital status, your identity is about you as an individual. Period.

Girlfriend, fiancé, Miss, Mr., single, taken, wife, or hubby — identity is not about statusdom. There is nothing wrong in wanting those things but they do not matter in the Kingdom. When we check into heaven, there isn’t a box to tick for martial status. We will stand before God as individuals, accountable for our own lives. There won’t be one of those awkward moments like at holidays when someone makes a joke about it being their spouse’s fault, which is not completely a joke, and everyone chuckles uncomfortably — there won’t be those moments. There won’t be spouses.

Christian Single / Part Three: The “I” Word

Idolatry. Likely, when this word comes up there are thoughts of Indiana Jones replacing the golden statue with a bag of sand — what? Just me. Okay. What about Heston yelling at the bottle tan extras fawning over a golden calf in Technicolor? A little closer I guess.

Okay, a dictionary definition is useful here.

Christian Single / Part Two: Statusdom and the Unhealthy Reality of Fantasy

There are a million websites out there to help you find a significant other, timeshare, car rental, dog walker, or DVD box set of some obscure TNBC show (don’t judge me) but I have yet to find a website to help singles seek out friends who are married, dating, or divorced.

The Internet is great. Not all of the content, but its existence being awesome is pretty much agreed on. At best, it has helped us connect. At worst, it has helped us segregate into our own little tribes. We gravitate toward those who like the things we like or hate the things we hate and are only challenged to grow and expand when we have no choice.

Christian Single / Part Zero: You Are A Dot

This is not part one. It’s part zero, a prerequisite. Like breakfast is the most important meal of the day (shout out to cereal) in order to digest the rest of this series you need to do this next step.

Watch this TED Talk before we can go on: Shawn Achor – “The Happiness Advantage: Linking Positive Brains to Performance” It sounds dry as the Mojave but I promise it is rife with living water. And unicorns. Seriously. Go watch it. Now.

Welcome back. Now what did we learn? There is science in happiness, you’re a liar! He had charts. Yeah, okay, maybe. But I’m not the amazing Shawn Achor. I’m that little outlying dot he talks about, the one that gets removed because it messes up the science. And so are you.

The reality is there are actual things you can do with your corporeal being to make yourself happy. The first is realizing, as Shawn says, happiness is not a reward on the other side of the goal. It is the goal. And all of your other actions will be easier when you get it in the right order. Happiness first. Goals second. Otherwise your brain will just keep moving the goal post and you’ll never feel happiness. And I don’t want that for you. Got it? Cool.

Now let’s get to work.

Series: The Actionable Christian Single

(now with karate-chop motion)

This post starts the way I think most online writing does — someone sent me a link.
It was to an article about not waiting until marriage to be happy. Great. Fine. It was written reasonably but concluded, as they nearly all do, with the idea that one could just decide to do this. No concrete way to do it, just now that you’ve read this article, go ahead and feel different.

Um…. how? Just do it. Which, at least in my experience, leads to trying it for an hour before reverting back to my previous state. You can’t just decide to hike the Grand Canyon — you need knowledge, conditioning, tools, assets, allies. “Mom, I have a thorn in my side,” you say as you point to the sequoia size shard impaled your torso (relax, it’s a metaphor for emotion) and she mutes the Bachelorette for two seconds to say, “Yeah, it’ll be fine. Just decide you don’t.”

Look, there are a lot of circumstances we just don’t tell people to get over. Of course there are equally as many we should just all get over — but the point I’m trying to make is, how. How do you decide to be a happy single?

I don’t know exactly, this is not purely science. It’s closer to alchemy. But here are some practical things you can do on your quest. Wow. This just got really nerdy. Don’t worry – none of this involves cosplay. Unless you want it to.

We don’t judge.

Part Zero: You Are A Dot
Part One: #Abundance
Part Two: Statusdom and the Unhealthy Reality of Fantasy
Part Three: The “I” Word
Part Four: The Other “I” Word
Part Five: Allow Yourself To Introduce Yourself
Part Six: All The Things You Just Can’t Know
Part Seven: Love
Part Eight: Fathers
Part Nine: Worse Than Single
Part Ten: Verses